Inside this Article
What is self-image?
Self-image is how you see yourself. It is a mental picture that you have of yourself.
It is based not on reality but, rather, on your interpretation of reality.
Your self-image is a construct that consists of:
Who you think you are
What you think about yourself
What you think you look like
How you view your abilities
How you view your personality traits
What you believe others think of you
What you believe is possible
What you think is true
Self-image is subconscious. You’re mostly unaware of it. You have all sorts of assumptions with which you were programmed and conditioned as you grew up.
Self-image consists of the beliefs and opinions you hold about yourself. You tell yourself, either obviously or non-obviously, stories about who you are.
When you ruminate on these stories, you form conclusions about yourself.
You start to assume these conclusions are true.
Then, these beliefs become your truths and appear as if they are fixed and real.
But, in truth, these beliefs are just something you created with your imagination. And btw, you create your sense of reality with your imagination.
We assume that how we see ourselves is factual whether or not it’s actually true.
Your self-image forms based on the events you went through and the conclusions you reached, and by accepting what others tell you as the truth.
Self-image is based on what you think other people think about you.
You can have an empowering self-image or a limiting self-image.
A limiting self-image is either a positive self-image or a negative self-image.
Developing your self-image will help you to develop your self-esteem. However, it needs to be authentic to you.
You don’t want to evaluate yourself based on something that’s not authentic to you.
Understanding the self-image construct
Let’s explore what the self-image construct of a writer might look like.
Who you think you are: I am a writer.
What you think about yourself: When I write, I feel at peace. I like to write every day. I write about my emotions and experiences. I like writing stories. I like writing articles. The content I wrote was good, but I need to focus more on the style.
What you think you look like: Sitting at a desk writing.
How you view your abilities: Writing 1000 words per day makes me a good writer.
How you view your personality traits: I like learning new things. I like to be persistent. I am curious. I am creative.
What you believe others think of you: Thinks a lot.
What you believe is possible: I think it’s possible for me to reach 2000 words per day.
What you think is true: Writing brings me closer to where I want to be.
Self-image construct of a social media addict:
Who you think you are: I am a social media user
What you think about yourself: The more likes I get, the better I feel about myself. Social media interactions make me feel worthy. I need to get likes on my pictures, stories, and statuses.
What you think you look like: Just checking what is new on social media.
How you view your abilities: Better pictures – better abilities. The more I post, the more validation I will receive.
How you view your personality traits: I like scrolling through social media. I am curious about what other people think about me. I abuse social media when I am under stress.
What you believe others think of you: Just checking what is new on social media.
What you believe is possible: I think it’s possible for me to reach 100 likes by tomorrow.
What you think is true: Social media is something I want to check every day.
People can have multiple self-images. The dominant self-image is the one that is more frequently accessed and internalized. Be careful about what self-image you’re internalizing.
Examples of how self-image functions
I will give you a few examples, so you can understand how this concept functions in practice. It’s important to see how self-image functions from different points of view.
Example 1: “I am overweight”
Let’s say you want to lose weight. You decide that you’ll start going to the gym. However, you don’t see yourself as a gym rat. You might be thinking unconsciously, ‘I need to lose weight.’
Then, after you lose the excess weight, you don’t feel a need to go to the gym anymore because you no longer need to lose weight. What that happens, you quickly gain the weight back.
Then, you decide that you need to go to the gym again. And the cycle continues.
If you want to make lasting and sustainable changes, you need to change your self-image.
The solution, in this case, would be to start seeing yourself as someone who likes going to the gym instead of someone who needs to lose weight.
Golden nugget: Who you see yourself as, is what your life will reflect.
Let’s say that you see yourself as a gym rat. What does a gym rat do? A gym rat likes going to the gym. When you see yourself as that, you will unconsciously try to uphold that self-image of a hot, ripped dude.
Example 2: “I am ugly”
Maxwell Maltz, the author of Psycho-Cybernetics (the foundational book about self-image), talked about how some patients who had plastic surgery still believed they were ugly even after they were made objectively beautiful.
He discovered that even though their physical features changed, their self-image remained the same even after the operation. Because of this, they still felt like they were ugly.
Golden nugget: They still believed that was true.
Example 3: “I am an alcoholic. I have a drinking problem. I always have and always will. That is just who I am. It’s in my genes. It’s genetic.”
This will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
That’s what happens when you confuse your opinion with reality. What you truly are is not this or that. It’s both.
Golden nugget: It’s just a matter of what aspect of yourself, you’re accessing.
“Watch out for that ‘genetic’ and that ‘naturally.’ Those can be killers,” said Leo Gura in his video “Self Image.”
Example 4: What about believing that you’re ugly? How do you think that will play out?
Those who believe that they are ugly need constant compliments to counteract that belief. When they don’t receive positive feedback, they feel like they’re rejected.
Golden nugget:
Example 6: “I’m poor. I’m naturally bad with money.”
Golden nugget: Self-image creates a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Example 7: Mis-identifying yourself with your self-image.
When you’re doing something that you perceive others like, you will have a good self-image. However, this can represent a trap.
We generally try to preserve our self-image even if it’s not authentic to us.
Think about celebrities. It’s largely known that celebrities have a good self-image. However, despite all of that, a lot of them commit suicide.
Why? One of the reasons is that they have to maintain that image or persona. Many celebrities focus only on externals and forget about their inner world.
They get so used to playing their characters that they forget about their authentic self. As a result, their souls suffer from a lack of expression. Consequently, they are not happy.
You might be wondering, “But Aleks, look. They seem so happy. They have all those pleasures in life.” That’s true, they do look happy. But you can never see how fulfilled they are.
It has been proven time and time again that hedonistic (external) pleasures don’t bring us lasting fulfillment and happiness. Happiness is an inside job.
Golden nugget: A glorified self-image does not equal happiness.
Why is a positive self-image important?
How you view yourself will affect your thinking, your behavior, and how you relate to others.
We unconsciously try to align our behavior with whatever we believe to be true. A belief is something that you regard as true. The crazy thing is that even if something is false, if you believe it to be true, you will still operate on that belief. It will feel like reality.
At the conscious level, you may think, ‘I’m not ugly,’ but deep down you may be thinking the opposite. You must become conscious of that.
By changing your self-image, you can make changes stick.
Most people use willpower when they try to improve their lives. They may say something like, “OK, enough is enough. I’m going to go on a diet.” The problem is, that’s only a short-term strategy.
For you to make a lasting change in your life, you must work on changing your identity.
A positive self-image can improve your self-esteem and self-confidence. On the other hand, a negative self-image will make you feel bad about yourself and make you doubt your capabilities and ideas.
A positive image can enhance our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Conversely, a negative image can decrease our satisfaction and ability to function in these areas. Your view of yourself and your outlook on life can affect those around you. People respond to you either positively or negatively based on how you portray yourself. Your confidence in relationships depends on the image you have of yourself.
When you have a positive self-image, you have a good view of yourself. You see yourself as an attractive and desirable person. You view yourself as a smart and intelligent person. You see a happy person when you look in the mirror.
On the other hand, when you have a negative self-image, you have a bad view of yourself. You see yourself as unattractive and undesirable. You see yourself as a stupid person. You see an unhappy, unhealthy person when you look in the mirror.
How is self-image built?
Self-image is built by the impressions that cross your consciousness. In other words, it is influenced by your life experiences, events, and interactions with others.
Your parents, the environment (school and culture), and your friends played an important role in molding your self-image.
When we’re growing up, we’re unable to discern between truth and falsehood. Our identities are not formed yet. Because of that, we often accept what we are told as truth.
If you’re comparing yourself to the idealized version of others on social media, you may develop a negative self-image. In case you don’t know, what most people post on social media is the best of the best.
So, if your body shape is different from others’, and you compare yourself too much with others, you may have a different perspective of yourself.
Another example is putting your hand on a hot stove. You will quickly learn that you don’t put your hands near hot objects, because you have gotten burned in the past.
Relationships reinforce what you feel and think about yourself. And what you feel and think about yourself influences your relationships.
If your relationships are destructive, you may develop a negative self-image. For example, if you have supportive parents, they will reinforce your positive attributes and abilities, which will help you to create a positive self-image. If, however, you are criticized, you may develop a negative self-image.
Self-image is also built through self-talk—the judgments that you place on yourself. For example: “I am overweight,” “I have ugly hands,” “I am stupid,” etc…
Your life experiences, events, and interactions reflect how you see yourself. Your life will reflect your thoughts. And conversely, your thoughts will reflect your life experiences, events, and interactions.
Do you have only one self-image?
There are lots of versions of “you,” and lots of pictures that your mind can retrieve. The mind retrieves the picture of yourself that you have internalized the most.
In other words, your mind retrieves memories that were activated the most frequently.
Why? Because these memories are easier for your mind to access.
To develop a new, empowering self-image, the dominant negative self-image must leave your memories.
In other words, you must stop internalizing it.
Is it possible to change your self-image?
Self-image is very malleable. With enough personal development work, introspection, and consistency, you can change it.
You might be seeing yourself in a way that you don’t like now. But, after some work, you can change that perception of yourself.
How to change your self-image
By working on your beliefs.
Your self-image is always looking for evidence to maintain itself. To survive, it must be compatible with your external circumstances.
Ask yourself these two questions:
What do I see myself as? Who am I?
What do others see me as?
When you see yourself negatively, you might have the following answers:
I am overweight
I am a stoner
I am a victim
I am a loser
I am the abused
I am lazy
I am an addict
I am an alcoholic
Now, ask yourself these two questions:
What would I like to see myself as? Who would I want to be?
What would I like to be perceived as?
You may answer with things like these:
the hero
the creator
the sage
the rebel
the lover
the caregiver
Now, you need to become that person. You need to think, act, and behave like it. Who you think of yourself as, affects what you do, and what you do influences the results that you get. What you do also influences who you think of yourself as. So, there is a feedback loop.
What are self-image problems?
Self-image problems are things like shyness, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, worrying about how you look, worrying about what people think of you, trying to impress people, and trying to live up to certain people’s expectations.
Distorted self-image can lead to Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). “BDD is a body-image disorder characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with an imagined or slight defect in one’s appearance.”
We all have things about our appearance that we don’t necessarily like. But people with BDD exaggerate their flaws. These people are constantly comparing their bodies to others and checking themselves in the mirror.
An unstable self-image can lead to BPD or Borderline Personality Disorder. People with BPD don’t have a solid self-image. They feel like they don’t know who they are. As a result, their perception of their own identity may vary greatly over time.
Bad feelings may lead to a negative self-image. That’s why depression treatment must also focus on building and maintaining a positive self-image.
Pregnant women often experience physical self-image issues.
How to boost your self-image
Articulate what you might be thinking to get the results that you’re getting.
Reprogram your subconscious mind. Practice something for 66 consecutive days.
Develop a positive self-image BEFORE trying to transcend it.
Work out. Exercise. Having a fit physique will create a positive physical self-image.
Work on your personality attributes. This will help you to create a positive psychological self-image.
Recognize problems. Solve them. Learn from failure. Recognize how each decision affects other areas of your life. This will help you to develop a positive intellectual self-image.
Improve your social skills. This will help you to develop a positive social self-image.
Improve your technical skills. This will help you to develop a positive technical self-image.
Stick to your values. This will help you to develop a positive moral self-image.
Make a list of all the things that you love about yourself. Commit to including positive things that you notice about yourself. As time passes, this list will grow. As a result, you will develop a positive self-image. It will be easier to see yourself in a good way when you have a big list of all the positives that you and others have noticed about yourself.
Make a list of all the things that you’re good at. On each point, make a brief note about how other people have benefitted or might benefit from this.
Make a list of all the things that you’re proud of doing or accomplishing. This will help you to remember what you’re capable of doing.
Make a list of the occasions when you overcame adversity and biases. Make a brief note for each one. This will help you to remember your strength.
Make a list of people who have helped you. If someone helps you, depending on how you look at it, it might mean that you are valuable as a person and that they find you worthy of their assistance.
Make a list of people whom you have helped. It can be a small gesture. Write down what happened and the ways they benefitted from your help.
List 50 things that you appreciate about your life.
Stay grateful. Feel grateful. Find things to be grateful for.
Discover your strengths.