Inside this Article
What is self-worth?
Self-worth means that you recognize your own value and worth as a person. It means that you have a deep knowledge that you’re of value and necessary to this life. It means that you feel good about the value you place on your own life.
When you can recognize your self-worth, you will see that you’re worthy of good things.
Your thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and choices are intimately tied to how you view your worthiness and value.
Can you develop self-worth?
A common misconception is that self-worth can be developed. So, what the hell do people mean when they talk about developing self-worth?
What they mean is basically developing self-esteem. People often confuse the two terms.
There is no such thing as high self-worth and low self-worth. There is no such thing as a lack of self-worth. It’s a myth.
To have solid and stable self-worth, you need to know how to recognize it.
So, for you to “develop” self-worth, you need to first acknowledge that you don’t need to develop it.
Instead, what you need to do is get to the truth of who you truly are. When you know yourself, you will know that you are valuable.
Self-worth is about who you are, and not about what you do.
How is self-worth developed unconsciously?
When you don’t know the difference between self-esteem and self-worth, you will confuse the two. You will unconsciously think that you can acquire self-worth.
And here is the problem with that.
No amount of accomplishment will ever give you worth.
Ask yourself what “worth” actually is. You will realize that it is just a label. It’s a label that your mind likes to project upon reality to make sense of it.
Things don’t have worth.
“The attempt to acquire self-worth is a losing battle since no matter how many things you accomplish you won’t feel better,” said Leo Gura, personal development expert, in his video “How To Stop Comparing Yourself to Others”.
“You are NOT better for accomplishing more since value is a story we create.
And if you believe that you need to achieve something to feel valuable and worthy, you will be on a never-ending search for happiness, ” he continued.
Notice how even when you get what you want, you end up not being satisfied.
Most successful people are successful just for the fact that they are constantly looking for the next thing that they think will make them happy.
As a result of that, most successful people end up not being happy.
Don’t get me wrong; success is important. It’s just that most people go about it the wrong way. They think that by acquiring success, they will feel valuable, worthy, and, thus, happy.
Which is an illusion. Appearance and reality are two different things.
Core worth is independent of externals that society values or the way someone has been treated.
As mindfulness expert Dr. Donna Rockwell points out, we are all unique and that, in and of itself, gives each of us inherent value.
Don’t be a slave to value. Instead, realize that value is something you create.
Bottom line: There is a common misconception that acquiring self-worth increases your value as a human. However, when people talk about acquiring self-worth, what they really mean is developing self-esteem. And that has nothing to do with our inherent value.
Most people don’t know the difference between self-worth and self-esteem and use the terms interchangeably. It is a common misconception that these two are the same.
So, this brings us to the next question.
What is the difference between self-esteem and self-worth?
Self-esteem is your subjective evaluation of your own competence, qualities, and attributes. It has to do with your achievements in the world.
“Self-worth is the belief that you are loveable and valuable regardless of how you evaluate your traits. In this way, your self-esteem could hit rock bottom, yet you still hold onto the notion that you have innate worth. This is important. When you don’t feel good about yourself, this doesn’t mean, of course, that you are no longer valuable.” explained Sam Woolfe in his article “The Difference Between Self-Esteem and Self-Worth”.
Self-esteem fluctuates. Self-worth is stable.
Self-esteem is based on what you do. It’s based on what you think and feel. It is your interpretation of things.
Self-worth is independent of states, experiences, and what you do. Self-worth is existential. You can only become conscious of it. You cannot think your way into it.
All states come and go, but what you truly are is not affected by it. What you are is the empty space from which everything comes.
“An easy way to remember the distinction is by thinking about self esteem as the outside you, the person you are in the world, your capabilities, whereas self worth is the inside you, your core self, or what I refer to as your SOUL SELF, ” explained Anne Ockene Boudreau, the author of ____, in her article “Self Worth: Understand the Distinction Between Self Worth and Self Esteem.”
She explained that a person can possess high self-esteem while having no sense of self-worth.
For example: Tom is a CEO of a big corporation. He has a lot of money and status. However, he is in a constant state of anxiety and fear. He has this nagging need to prove himself. He is always on the search for something bigger, better, and brighter.
He thinks he’s good at handling his business, yet still feels convinced that he’s unlovable and unworthy.
Because he doesn’t recognize his existential self-worth, he attaches his identity to his business. As a result of that, he thinks that he’s not valuable if his business fails. That’s because he’s unaware that worth comes from the inside.
Because of his lack of consciousness, he ties his worth to external factors.
This scenario is quite common. You can probably think of a dozen of scenarios that are in the same context as this one.
Most people focus on externals instead of turning inward.
Look, externals are important, but without a solid internal foundation, you will never feel fulfilled and happy.
Self-worth is what grounds your happiness.
I don’t want you to think that external factors will solve your internal problems.
Why is positive self-worth important?
Recognizing your self-worth empowers you. It empowers you to create the life of your dreams.
When you recognize your self-worth, you can enjoy your success. You don’t need more stuff to be happy. You don’t need others’ approval. You don’t care if others like you. You don’t care if others judge you.
When you have positive self-worth, you’ll be at peace with yourself. You will feel good about your internal self. You will be good in your own skin. And others will sense it.
When external circumstances change; when you lose your job; when you lose a friend; when your appearance starts to fade … you will feel like an oak tree. Solid and stable.
When you know that your life matters, you will become healthier. You will be able to heal from past wounds.
When you understand your inherent value, you will stop comparing yourself to others.
When you recognize your self-worth, you are no longer a slave to the expectations of other people.
When you value yourself and your life, you will be more unconditionally accepting of yourself. You will stop judging yourself.
When you value yourself, you will place more importance on your opinion of yourself, rather than on others’ opinion of you.
When you believe that you’re worthy, you will be able to receive the love of other people.
How to measure the level of your self-worth
Before trying to boost your self-worth, I recommend that you measure the level of your self-worth. By doing this, you will know how much energy you should put into developing positive self-worth.
The Contingencies of Self-Worth Scale was developed by researchers ___ in 2003. It consists of 35 statements that you rate yourself on. To learn more about this scale or to use it to determine your self-worth, click here.
The 5 most common factors that people use to measure their self-worth are:
Appearance, net worth, who they know/ their social circle, what they do/their career, and their achievements.
In my opinion, these measuring sticks are pretty shallow. They are all based on external factors.
Studies now show that basing one’s self-worth on external factors is harmful to one’s mental health.
I think that those who base their self-worth largely on external factors are more insecure, are more vulnerable, and need constant positive feedback from others to maintain their self-worth.
On the other hand, those who base their self-worth on internal factors are more secure. Their self-worth is more solid and stable.
External factors change all the time.
Your appearance will change, you might lose your money, you might lose a friend, you might lose your career, and so on.
Egoic people cling to these external factors. They try to make them permanent.
And guess what?
It doesn’t work.
Reality always keeps changing.
So, you don’t want to do what most people do. You don’t want to tie your entire sense of self-worth to your appearance, your job, someone else, or any outside factor.
You want to focus your intention inside yourself. You, yourself, is what is always there for you.
So, in the next section of the article, I will talk about what you should not use to measure your self-worth.
What should you NOT use to measure your self-worth?
Author Stephanie Jade Wong outlined what should not determine your self-worth:
Your to-do list,
Your job,
Your social media following,
Your age,
Other people,
Your grades,
The number of friends you have,
Money, and
Anything.
To say it in other words: You should see yourself as valuable:
even if you don’t finish your to-do list, you are still worthy of happiness and love
even if don’t have a great job, you are still valuable and worthy
even if you’re young or old, you are still valuable and worthy
even if other people achieve greater results, you are still valuable and worthy
even if other people think you’re not valuable, you are still valuable and worthy
even if you can’t run 5 miles, you are still valuable and worthy
even if you have poor grades, you are still valuable and worthy
even if you don’t have many good friends, you are still valuable and worthy
even if you’re single, even if you’re casually dating, you are still valuable and worthy
even if you don’t have money, you are still valuable and worthy
even if you are not the smartest, most talented, or most successful, you are still valuable and worthy
even if you don’t share the same interests as your peers, you are still valuable and worthy of happiness and love
But believing me will do you little good. You have to understand why you should still feel valuable. So, let’s explore this even deeper.
How to recognize your own value
I will give you a powerful mindset that will help you to feel, deep down, that you’re indeed valuable.
I learned a great technique from Adam Sicinski that will help you to recognize your value.
Adam recommends that you, firstly, imagine that everything you have was suddenly taken away from you (appearance, achievements, relationships, social media following…).
Secondly, he recommends that you ask yourself the following questions:
- What if everything I have was suddenly taken away from me?
- What if all I had left was myself?
- How would that make me feel?
- What would I actually have that would be of value?
Think about your answers to these questions and see if you can come to this conclusion: “No matter what happens externally and no matter what’s taken away from me, I’m not affected internally.”
If you recognize your self-worth, even if everything is taken away from you, it won’t change who you are as a person.
Now, let’s explore this even deeper.
Why do you think someone would not be affected if everything was suddenly taken away from them?
Think about it.
Really think about it.
Stop reading and think about it for a moment.
It’s because they know themselves.
“Know yourself.”
They know that who they are is valuable!
When you know that you are valuable just for existing, you don’t care that much about external factors. You don’t care about others’ approval because nobody can tell you at that point who you are.
You already know yourself at that point.
When you value yourself, you recognize your self-worth. Read the previous sentence again.
Do you want to feel valued for just knowing yourself? Of course you do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this.
So, this brings us to the next question
Why are you valuable?
Because you are the creator of your reality. You create all of it. You can even create an illusion that you’re not creating your reality. So, you are valuable just for existing.
You are valuable for what you are, not for what you do.
You’re this ever-present light of awareness that animates everything. Nothing can add or subtract from it.
For the sake of language, I will call this awareness just YOU, the creator.
Everything stems from this presence. I mean everything!
Mystics and saints have realized that there is only one substance from which everything is made. And that is consciousness.
Modern science kind of grasped this with quantum mechanics. But the implications of the discovery in 1920 were so ground-shaking that modern society is not ready to comprehend these revelations.
Consciousness can mold into every form possible.
With this analogy, I will help you to better understand why this matters.
Imagine that you’re made out of gold. Now, no matter what form you mold into, you’ll still be gold.
Sounds easy, right? Because it is. And that’s precisely why it’s so hard to grasp. The mind likes to complicate things.
“The capacity of human beings to think, analyse and differentiate is a great blessing, unique to our species. But it can be a great curse,” said __ https://www.unbrokenself.com/self-esteem-thing-ever-need-know-self-worth/
It is only the mind that distorts the perception of what we truly are. All unquestioned thoughts reinforce that false sense of unworthiness.
Okay. So, the bottom line is that you’re the creator.
Now, let’s do a guided visualization to solidify that.
Imagine a time when you felt powerless and helpless. Notice how, in that time, it was you who ultimately healed and strengthened yourself.
Imagine a time when you were holding onto someone who was not meant to be in your life. Now, notice how it was you who chose to let go of that person.
Imagine a time when you felt like a victim. Now notice how it was you who took on the responsibility to create something better.
Imagine a time when you were lying about who you are to yourself. Now notice how it was you who became honest.
Imagine a time when you were paying attention to something that was not serving your highest good and most delightful outcome. Now notice how it was you who shifted your attention to something empowering.
Close your eyes and feel it. Take a few minutes to really feel it. Feel that you are a magnificent creator being.
How do you feel about your inner being now?
Notice how you created your suffering.
Notice how you created your own hell.
Notice how you create your own heaven.
Notice how you are imagining things to be real.
You are pure awesomeness. I mean, you are so awesome that you can even decide that you’re not awesome at all!
You are creating your reality from moment to moment. And you are so awesome that you can choose to take this magical fact for granted!
You are the one who creates it all!
You are the one who can heal and strengthen yourself,
You are the one who allows or rejects things,
You are the one who can re-direct personal attention from one object to the next,
You are the one who can correct his behavior, choices, actions, and attitudes,
You are the one who can self-reflect, self-correct, and self-forgive,
You are the one who chooses what is important and what is not,
You are the one who chooses what is allowed to continue and what needs to stop,
You are the one who makes assumptions about what is reality, what is possible, and what is not,
You are the one who constructs his beliefs, either consciously or unconsciously,
You are the one who creates meaning,
You are the one who assigns value to things,
You are the one who makes choices and decisions
Now, you can better appreciate why you are worthy of happiness and love. It’s because you create happiness and love.
Bottom line: You are at the center of your life. You matter.
How do you compromise your self-worth?
You put yourself down. You belittle your own worth.
Now let’s move to some strategies to boost self-worth.
How to boost self-worth
Understand yourself. Understand that you’re a powerful creator. When you deeply understand that, you’ll easily recognize your self-worth.
Develop self-acceptance and self-love. “Once you understand, accept, and love yourself, you will reach a point where you no longer depend on people, accomplishments, or other external factors for your self-worth,” said Adam Sicinski in his article on how to develop self-worth.
Develop self-compassion. Self-compassion comes from self-love. When you understand that you’re valuable, you will treat yourself like you’re valuable. It makes sense, right? Being compassionate toward yourself basically means that you are practicing the art of relieving your own suffering. Another way you can think about self-compassion is healthy coping mechanisms. For example: When Tom is under stress, he goes for a walk instead of smoking a cigarette.
Find worth inside yourself. Develop kindness, generosity, compassion, and empathy and treat others well. Develop competency. Become creative. Developing virtues and non-physical attributes will help you to recognize your value.
Let go of everything that is not for the greatest benefit and most delightful outcome of everybody and every living being. Selfishness, ignorance, and lack of consciousness. When you exercise letting go of these things, you will automatically become more virtuous. You will automatically develop virtues and positive non-physical attributes.
Meditate. Self-worth is existential. You cannot think your way into realizing that. You need to meditate your way into realizing that. When you discern thinking from awareness, you will realize your self-worth. Awareness is the backdrop of thinking. Perceptions come and go, but awareness stays, still. As you meditate daily, your true nature will become more and more real.
Become someone who makes you happy. Valuing your own happiness means that you value yourself. Valuing your own happiness means that you recognize your self-worth. Most people know that their happiness is important. In fact, most of the actions we take are motivated by the pursuit of happiness. BUT. This doesn’t mean you should go chasing external pleasures like food, sex, drugs, money, and status. True happiness comes from the inside out. From you being creative and kind, from making a positive impact on society, and from being connected to the present moment. When you value your own happiness, you are in alignment with your values and strengths. On top of that, when you value your own happiness, you are practicing the art of letting go. When you let go of a limiting selfish act, it’s the moment when your capacity for happiness is increased. Every time you challenge your limiting beliefs, you become happier.
Become a conscious creator. Be a conscious creator instead of a mindless reactor. Being conscious puts you in the driver’s seat of the car. Otherwise, you are in the passenger’s seat and just observing sense phenomena. When you are a mindless reactor, you basically assume that you’re making all the choices in your life. However, when you are mindful, you can clearly see that thoughts, actions, and feelings came from nothing. This realization empowers you. You are no longer defined by sense phenomena and instead you begin defining yourself. When you understand, accept, and love yourself , “you, therefore, hold the power to respond to events and circumstances of your life based on your internal sources, resources, and on your resourcefulness, which are all a reflection of your true value,” said Adam Sicinski. This realization helps you to recognize how valuable you are in making changes in your life. When you’re mindful, you can handle whatever life throws at you. You can create the space between an event and your reaction. Thus, you are not reacting, but responding. Responding is the space in which you take into consideration multiple perspectives and courses of action. When you are reacting, you are not doing that; you are like a sheep—a sheep that is being submissive to his thoughts and feelings and following them without questioning them.
Understand what makes you unique. What makes you unique compared to others? How do you stand out? Focus on your inner qualities, like enthusiasm, curiosity, determination, creativity, persistence, loyalty, kindness, compassion, empathy, love of learning… As mindfulness expert Dr. Donna Rockwell points out, we are all unique and that, in and of itself, gives each of us inherent value. In a society where everybody likes to fit in, be the one who stands out. You have the right to be an individual.
Take healthy risks. When you think you’re valuable, you’re more likely to take risks. For example: Approaching a girl/guy. However, you need to genuinely believe that you are of value. You don’t want to make stupid choices. Taking risks becomes easier when you have followed the previous tips. Taking healthy risks means that you exercise courage. This might mean, for example, going to networking events, changing your job, or applying for a new one.
Work on your desires. Develop competence. When you believe that you’re worthy, you will feel that you’re worthy of being your aspirational self. Recognizing your self-worth will help you to develop your self-esteem. “To get what you want you must deserve what you want. The world is not yet a crazy enough place to reward a bunch of undeserving people” — Charlie Munger.
Develop unconditional respect for yourself and others. Everybody is worthy of it just for existing.
Cultivate the belief “I am good enough.” No matter what happens, you can always have a positive impact on the world. If you think that you’re not good enough at playing the piano, you can learn to be good enough. So, even if you’re experiencing negative thoughts/feelings and failures, you’re still good. You can learn.
Create a positive impact on society. When you are acting as a positive influence in the lives of others, it’s easier to see that you’re valuable. Don’t confuse this with people-pleasing. Creating an impact on society is a much larger project than pleasing others. To create a solid impact, you need a life purpose. A life purpose is something strategically constructed.
Practice unconditional receiving. When you believe that you’re inherently worthy, you will feel like you are worthy of good things. When a good opportunity presents itself, you will feel worthy of it. When something good happens to you, you will feel worthy of it. When someone compliments you, you will feel worthy of it. But, what if you don’t believe you’re worthy? Then good things might happen in your life, but you won’t be able to enjoy them. For example, you might be happy for no reason whatsoever, and then, just because you believe that you’re not worthy of happiness, you will tend to sabotage your own happiness. This is a belief that I had for a long time. Every time I was happy, I immediately sabotaged my happiness by using porn. I unconsciously used porn as a way to feel unworthy again. And in case you don’t know, porn is a mainstream drug of the modern age. Moving on, when you believe that you’re worthy, you are more open to receiving that which is good. When you’re open to receiving that which is good, you believe that you’re worthy. It comes full circle.
Become self-reliable. Count on yourself, especially when it matters most. For example: When life happens and you become stressed, rely on yourself to cope with the stress in a healthy way. When you realize how valuable you are for existing, you will be able to count on yourself. And when you count on yourself, you will realize how valuable you are. It comes full circle.
Become an independent thinker. This means that you don’t look to others to find the truth. You are your own source of truth. Many people are dependent on the news, newspapers, magazines, etc. to find what is true. What independence truly means is that you can rely on yourself. It’s thinking with your own head. It’s conducting your own independent research. It means not trusting others blindly without doing your research. When you think with your own head and become an independent thinker, you’re basically being the source of value for your life. In other words, you recognize your own self-worth.
Challenge the thoughts that create the illusory sense of your unworthiness. Think about why you’re valuable. You’re unique. You can create whatever you want. You can create heaven on earth. Why? Because you’re this ever-present light of awareness that animates everything. Nothing can add or subtract from it. It is. It is now. That’s why they call it present. That makes you of value no matter how you evaluate yourself. Presence is existential. Become conscious of it.
Buddha: “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
Affirmations:
I am unique. I feel good about being alive and being me.
I would rather be me than someone else.
My life matters.
I am worthy. I am worthy of my effort, time, and energy. I am worthy of another’s person’s attention and love. I am worthy of happiness. I am worthy of self-care and self-kindness.
I am loveable.
I am valuable.
I matter because I exist.
I am OK as I am. I accept and love myself.
I can make my own choices and decisions.
I am important. I am playing an important role in the grand scheme of things, even if I am not aware of it.
I have something special to offer the world.
I can make a positive impact on society, no matter how small.
I can grow and develop.
I can let go of that which no longer serves me.
I am just as valuable as other people.
Amazing opportunities exist for me in every aspect of my life.
I am the source of value in my life.
I am good enough.
I let go of negative thoughts and feelings about myself.
I deserve to feel good about myself.